


Heat Lightning

by malafight



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Human AU, abuse tw, alcohol use, it's a vent, not even bittersweet, seriously this is not a happy fic, take what you will
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-20
Updated: 2018-08-20
Packaged: 2019-06-30 06:57:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,731
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15746619
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/malafight/pseuds/malafight
Summary: Human AU. After a fight, Jasper retreats to the roof, where Amethyst finds her. She has something to say, and Jasper doesn’t want to hear it. Explores abuse and the victim mentality. Not a happy fic.





	Heat Lightning

**Author's Note:**

> I've just... been thinking about this a lot. Had to get it off my chest. Hope it helps someone out there.

Jasper sat on the roof, mane of pale hair blowing gently in the breeze. It was dark, and oppressively hot. Her gaze was fixed on the horizon, the night sky full of rolling black clouds. From behind them, heat lightning struck, lighting up clouds in silence, flickering across the darkened sky, sometimes, briefly, turning the whole sky daylight-bright for a fraction of a heartbeat. The air was thick with humidity, hanging heavy and suffocating around her.

A trickle of blood was drying, slowly, down the side of Jasper's face, a trail of red painting her dark cheekbone and curling down and under her chin, no longer dripping in fat droplets onto her shirt, at least.

She turned her head slightly at the sound of someone approaching, for a moment tense with the icy fear that it would be Lapis--

It was Amethyst. Her sister was carrying a bottle of rum in one fist as she climbed over the apex of the roof and settled down next to Jasper. Jasper looked away and only grunted to acknowledge the smaller form beside her.

A chain of flickering heat lightning illuminated the red on her face in a series of photo-flashes and Amethyst jumped in surprise.

“Jesus, Jasp-- I heard the yelling, but- what the hell happened to your face?”

Jasper glanced over at Amethyst, then went back to watching the natural light show, rolling the words over with her tongue before speaking.

“Ring caught my face,” she grunted.

Amethyst offered the half-full bottle of rum.

“Fuck, what was it over this time? We could hear you from the kitchen.”

Jasper shrugged and took the bottle, toying with it in her massive fingers for the moment.

“I fucked up, as usual.”

“Jasper,” Amethyst said with a sigh, “You know that ain't what I'm asking.”

Jasper looked over at her sister, then back to the horizon. A silent flash illuminated a billowing cloud like a djinn pouring from a lamp.

“She texted me that she was having a bad day, so I took my lunch break and brought her her favorite sandwich from that corner cafe she likes so much.” Jasper sighed. “Apparently, she wanted flowers.”

Amethyst's lip curled up in disgust.

“She hit ya over a fuckin' sandwich?” she said, incredulous.

“Nah, she hit me when I said I shouldn't even have brought the sandwich, if she was gonna be a bitch about it.”

Amethyst cringed; it seemed like something about Jasper's deadpan, no-nonsense delivery wasn't sitting well with her.

“You know you don't gotta take that from her, right?”

Jasper shrugged.

“I fucked up. I deserve it.” Heat lightning rolled through a series of clouds. If she hadn't been so snarled up in her own thoughts, it would have been breathtaking.

“You didn't, though? You can't read her mind.”

“I should know what she wants by now. We've been together for- fuck, two years now? Almost three? I should know her like the back of my hand at this point. I made a mistake.”

“Only mistake you're making now is not telling her to get her shit and get out,” Amethyst mumbled. Jasper looked over at her with a light in her eyes like she was ready to start a fight, but when she saw Amethyst watching the heat lightning dancing across the sky, she just sighed and unscrewed the bottle of rum.

She took a sip and passed it over to Amethyst as she swallowed. It was a grounding, acrid burn in her throat as it went down, and she sighed.

“I can't,” she said quietly.

“Why not?” Amethyst took the bottle and took a swig of her own.

“I love her,” Jasper breathed. Lightning flashed bright and burning to light up the sky, as if the heavens themselves wanted to weigh in.

“Do you, though?” Amethyst asked.

“I don't think I could live without her.” Jasper voice was low and pensive.

“Don't mean you love her,” Amethyst grunted. She passed the bottle back to Jasper.

“What else could it be?” Jasper said as she took it. Her tone was not questioning; rather, it was a statement of fact. Amethyst was quiet for a little while, then sighed.

“Abuse is what it is,” she said softly. Jasper turned to look at her, indignation written across her features.

“It isn't abuse!” Jasper snapped.

“What else could it be?” Amethyst echoed. Behind her, heat lightning rolled across the night sky.

Jasper fell silent, taking a long draught of the rum. Her eyes and nose burned with it, and she bought a few precious seconds of time to think.

“It's not abuse. Lapis isn't a bad person. She's- kind, and protective, and playful. I'm just not fuckin' good enough to earn that side of her any more.”

“You don't _earn_ someone's good side, dumbshit.”

Jasper looked absolutely _appalled_ , but as Amethyst motioned for the bottle, she passed it with no fuss.

“I'm doing my best.”

“You know what I mean.” Amethyst took a sip, then sighed as she looked out at the flickering night sky. “It's like... you're tryin' so hard to see that good side, workin' your ass off... 's like you're, I don't fuckin' know, like you're _addicted_ to her. Like she's meth or crack-cocaine or something. You want that good side like it's the only thing that can make you happy. You're a fuckin' cokehead, sis.”

“I'm not,” Jasper growled. Amethyst offered the bottle and she took it with a sigh.

“You're addicted to her good side and terrified of her bad side,” Amethyst said, her voice soft and low.

“I'm not afraid of anything--”

“I've seen you waiting for her to get home from work. You watch the clock like it's countin' down to your execution, and the window like the axeman's comin' to get you. If that ain't fear, what is?”

Jasper took another sip.

“I'm just worried she might've had a bad day.”

“Why?” Amethyst asked, in a tone that said she knew the true answer despite whatever Jasper might say.

“...Lapis isn't abusive,” Jasper said, her voice a low growl. The sky lit up behind her. “I'm not a _victim_.”

“Of course you aren't,” Amethyst said. Jasper looked at her with an expression dripping with irritation. “I was just imagining it when she slammed the dishes around while she was loading the dishwasher and you jumped three feet in the air.”

“She surprised me!” Jasper growled. “That doesn't mean anything.”

“She moves too fast and you fucking _flinch_ , Jasper.” Amethyst motioned for the bottle again, and Jasper took a sip before passing it back over.

“She just... surprises me a lot,” she grunted.

“Surprises, or scares?” Amethyst asked, her voice all low and gruff, a rare seriousness in her tone.

Jasper was quiet as she motioned for the bottle before Amethyst had a chance to take a sip. Amethyst passed it over, and Jasper looked at it, lifted it as if to take a drink, but then lowered it with a sigh.

“I'm not afraid of her.”

“Of course you aren't,” Amethyst said.

They were quiet for a few breaths, watching rolling lights in the clouds. The air between them was fat and heavy with humidity and the weight of things unsaid.

“I'm not,” Jasper grunted. “I'm bigger than her. I could break her in half. I've got no reason to be scared.”

Amethyst motioned for the bottle, then took a sip after Jasper passed it over to her.

“You don't gotta be small to be abused,” Amethyst sighed. “It ain't about physical strength, y'know? It's... different.”

“Eloquent,” Jasper grunted, and took the offered bottle.

“Shut up. I'm not good at this. I'm just worried about you.”

“I'm fine.”

Amethyst turned a bit to look at Jasper better, frowning.

“Jasper, you're _bleeding_. That's a long way from fine.”

Jasper just shrugged.

“I fucked up. I earned this shit.”

“Jasper. Sister. Dipshit. You don't _earn_ being hit like that. You don't earn the yelling and those nasty names. You make some mistakes, yeah, so what? We all do. But that don't mean you deserve to be fuckin' abused.”

“ _I'm not abused_. Strong people like me-- big, and loud, and fuckin' scary? We don't get abused. We abuse.”

“That ain't how the world works. You ain't dangerous 'cuz you're big. Just like Lapis ain't harmless 'cuz she's small 'n pretty.”

Jasper stared at the lip of the roof, her expression tense and thoughtful.

“She's not doing anything wrong,” she said quietly. “I earn what I get.”

“She's fuckin' brainwashing you is what she's doing,” Amethyst growled.

“No, she isn't.”

Amethyst turned and punched Jasper in the arm. It didn't hurt; it wasn't meant to. Jasper knew what a punch meant to hurt felt like.

“You're a fucking idiot, Jasp. A huge fucking idiot. If you don't start listening to what I gotta say--”

“You'll what?” Jasper growled. It wasn't an attempt to intimidate, just a knee-jerk reaction to a perceived threat.

Amethyst sighed and sank back down, buying time by motioning for the bottle and taking a sip of rum. She passed it back wordlessly.

“I dunno. I'll do something. I can't keep seeing you hurt like this.”

Jasper looked at the bottle and took a small sip, sighing at the burn.

“I'm used to it.”

“You shouldn't be.”

Jasper flinched a little and shrank down some.

“I love her, Ams. If I want to keep her--” Jasper paused, then shook her head. “I told you, it ain't abuse.”

Amethyst frowned and looked away, silently watching the flashes of light in the sky.

There was an uneasy silence between them, emotion shared through the humid air. Maybe not understanding, but it was something.

“Storm's coming,” Amethyst said, breaking the peace.

“It's just heat lightning,” Jasper grunted.

Amethyst looked over at her.

“You know what P told me once about heat lightning? It's still lightning. It's just far off, so you can't hear the thunder.” She stood up and stretched with a sigh. “You can call it different all you want, but it's still lightning, and there's still a storm coming.” She rested her hand gently on Jasper's head. “I'm here if you ever need to talk.”

Jasper grunted, and Amethyst climbed back up the roof and crossed the apex, headed for the ladder down.

Jasper sighed, took a swig of the rum, and watched the lightning roll across the night.

 


End file.
